"sawan beeto jaaye beharwa": monsoon (season of love in Indian culture) is passing by my lover
"mann mera ghabraye": my heart fears/worries
"aiso gaye pardes piya tum": u went away just so my lover..
"chain humein nahin aaye": that i can find no relief
"mora saiyan mose bole na": my lover doesn't talk to me!
"main laakh jatan kar haari": i tried about a million things and gave up
"tu jo nahin to aise piya hum": since u're not here so my lover i'm...
"jaise suna angana": just like an empty house (marital abode)
"nain tehari rah nihare": eyes are on the lookout for u
"nainan ko tarsao na": don't tease my eyes(don't tease my longing)
"pyaar tumhein kitna karte hain": i love u soooo much
"tum ye samajh nahin paaye": but u never understood that
"jab hum na honge to beharwa": when i'm not around o my lover (not around=dead)
"bolo kya tab aaoge": tell me will u come back then? (what is the point of coming back then?)
"mora saiyan..": my lover..
(this song is a lover's complain.suggestions for improving this translation are welcome)
Sunday, July 31, 2005
Thursday, July 28, 2005
Exploring Gravity....
As i was walking that barren path
in the wilderness, with you by my side,
I confronted a raging storm
it created between us, a gap so wide.
You tempted a fire and teased its flames
Melted an iceberg and shifted its base,
Drained and disturbed : my soul's being;
with a calm and composed look on your face.
I gained my strength from the spark in your eyes
with you next to me, I began to rise
there was love and joy, that time of my life,
Thanks to you, I knew it would suffice!!
in the wilderness, with you by my side,
I confronted a raging storm
it created between us, a gap so wide.
You tempted a fire and teased its flames
Melted an iceberg and shifted its base,
Drained and disturbed : my soul's being;
with a calm and composed look on your face.
I gained my strength from the spark in your eyes
with you next to me, I began to rise
there was love and joy, that time of my life,
Thanks to you, I knew it would suffice!!
Wednesday, July 27, 2005
last night i killed myself....
and wept with tears of blood...
the passive longing of my nights turned into a death-wish
and drowned all my dreams in it.
i used to indulge in sleep-walking
today i've no feet to support me
i used to look up at the sun and mock its lonliness
today i do not exist!
there was a fire
which casted me in this mould
there was a shadow
which gave faith to my soul
but last night i killed myself...
and wept with tears of blood
because my "i" lost its essence
because there is no "i" anymore.
the passive longing of my nights turned into a death-wish
and drowned all my dreams in it.
i used to indulge in sleep-walking
today i've no feet to support me
i used to look up at the sun and mock its lonliness
today i do not exist!
there was a fire
which casted me in this mould
there was a shadow
which gave faith to my soul
but last night i killed myself...
and wept with tears of blood
because my "i" lost its essence
because there is no "i" anymore.
Sunday, July 24, 2005
rebirth
i wish to be born as a swan in my next life (if there is such a thing)...i thought about it for a long-time and that made me contemplate on my present life of all 21 years.i realised the longings of my soul are aimed in a fixed direction which is echoed by R.Kelly's song "i believe i can fly", but soon enough i realised the impotency of my wish.i'm fixed in such a socio-cultural context that the desire to do anything,for that matter even the word "desire", should not be part of my vocabulary specially because i'm a female.
it feels great talking about the emancipation of women and how far we have come from the dark ages!but the truth is that i myself know that if i want to (for eg:) step out at 10 p.m. all alone, then there is no guarentee,not even 2%, that i will return as the same person that i'd left.
so considering that the patriarchs (who exist in various forms:father,brother,friend,neighbour...even the gate-keeper) give up on me for a while...i still don't think that the world will readily accept my flight.
the other reason why i chose a swan is because i'm fed up of the insecure relationships people have these days.a pair of swans is the ideal (though many of u may find that boring) because of the life-long fidelity it indulges in...perfect bliss!
so basically,though the swan might become a victim of a shotgun,yet till the time it does not release its last breath it has the freedom to be where it wants to go and can trust its partner even after its own death.
(faith and freedom combined)
it feels great talking about the emancipation of women and how far we have come from the dark ages!but the truth is that i myself know that if i want to (for eg:) step out at 10 p.m. all alone, then there is no guarentee,not even 2%, that i will return as the same person that i'd left.
so considering that the patriarchs (who exist in various forms:father,brother,friend,neighbour...even the gate-keeper) give up on me for a while...i still don't think that the world will readily accept my flight.
the other reason why i chose a swan is because i'm fed up of the insecure relationships people have these days.a pair of swans is the ideal (though many of u may find that boring) because of the life-long fidelity it indulges in...perfect bliss!
so basically,though the swan might become a victim of a shotgun,yet till the time it does not release its last breath it has the freedom to be where it wants to go and can trust its partner even after its own death.
(faith and freedom combined)
Thursday, July 21, 2005
Not Her Crime!!
Look at her; there; under the tree
She is sitting all alone,
In her life of five years
What has been there to mourn?
I heard that she has been abandoned
Kicked out of her village,
Why? she can't even talk properly
What is her crime at this tender age?
Who is to be blamed for this?
Just tell me who?
The little one is going to perish
just in a day or two.
She ain't at fault
Its her creator,
He is the one who gave her life
from the womb of an unfaithful wife.
The biggest demon on earth
for her, patiently waits
She is gripped by what we call
is a sure death - AIDS.
The crime is in her birth
Her birth is a crime,
In her lost innocent childhood
she is suffering through, all the time!
She is sitting all alone,
In her life of five years
What has been there to mourn?
I heard that she has been abandoned
Kicked out of her village,
Why? she can't even talk properly
What is her crime at this tender age?
Who is to be blamed for this?
Just tell me who?
The little one is going to perish
just in a day or two.
She ain't at fault
Its her creator,
He is the one who gave her life
from the womb of an unfaithful wife.
The biggest demon on earth
for her, patiently waits
She is gripped by what we call
is a sure death - AIDS.
The crime is in her birth
Her birth is a crime,
In her lost innocent childhood
she is suffering through, all the time!
Dig The Grave....
The wind is not blowing strong
Oh, my companion! I'm not wrong
And while I'm humming this melancholy song
On this cold night, dig the grave.
All my joys began to cease
And my pain didn't ease,
Standing amidst the cool breeze
On this lonely night, dig the grave.
What has this world given me?
Whatever my eyes couldn't see?
Near this wide and vast sea
On this dark night, dig the grave.
Hurt and humiliated and depressed
My self-expression was suppressed,
From jealousy and greed there is no rest
On this dull night, dig the grave.
What is the use of staying alive?
Like a bee without a hive,
For whom should I live and stay?
On this night, dig the grave!
Oh, my companion! I'm not wrong
And while I'm humming this melancholy song
On this cold night, dig the grave.
All my joys began to cease
And my pain didn't ease,
Standing amidst the cool breeze
On this lonely night, dig the grave.
What has this world given me?
Whatever my eyes couldn't see?
Near this wide and vast sea
On this dark night, dig the grave.
Hurt and humiliated and depressed
My self-expression was suppressed,
From jealousy and greed there is no rest
On this dull night, dig the grave.
What is the use of staying alive?
Like a bee without a hive,
For whom should I live and stay?
On this night, dig the grave!
Friday, July 15, 2005
Three Days to Live....
I'm suffering from pain
Losing my senses,
Standing in the courtyard
I can't see the fences.
To achieve my goals
Is a distant dream,
I must live life to its fullest
I just have three more days, it seems.
I want to fulfil all my wishes
and see all my dreams come true,
I want to run in the green meadow
and like a free bird fly, in the sky so blue.
But just three more days to live
seventy-two hours will soon pass by,
I must paint this world, a little more green
I'll plant some trees, at least I'm going to try!
Losing my senses,
Standing in the courtyard
I can't see the fences.
To achieve my goals
Is a distant dream,
I must live life to its fullest
I just have three more days, it seems.
I want to fulfil all my wishes
and see all my dreams come true,
I want to run in the green meadow
and like a free bird fly, in the sky so blue.
But just three more days to live
seventy-two hours will soon pass by,
I must paint this world, a little more green
I'll plant some trees, at least I'm going to try!
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
Freedom!
I was standing in my balcony overlooking a small park.It was calm,but not peaceful.There were a few apartments around me and fewer trees.Standing amidst that lively crowd I felt like a stranger encroaching an unfamiliar territory.It was exciting,yet depressing.Exciting because it was raining and the feeling between me and my surroundings was mutual.Depressing because though I am a human,I did not have the same freedom as the trees or the rain drops or even the apartments around me.My heart was raging with as powerful a storm as outside.A bolt of lightening and a flash of knowledge!Yes,it was knowledge which separated all of us:the trees,the rain,the apartments and me.
I looked up at the faling sky and a rain drop fell on my parched tongue...I tasted freedom for the first time and I longed for more.The longer I stood there,the more my need grew.The need to melt away with the rain drops,oblivious of my future,unconcerned about my past and living my present moment as if that was all that life was made of.
I stood there till the time I sneezed back into reality,accepting the honour of knowledge bestowed upon me by the thundering clouds,now beating in tandem with my heart!
I looked up at the faling sky and a rain drop fell on my parched tongue...I tasted freedom for the first time and I longed for more.The longer I stood there,the more my need grew.The need to melt away with the rain drops,oblivious of my future,unconcerned about my past and living my present moment as if that was all that life was made of.
I stood there till the time I sneezed back into reality,accepting the honour of knowledge bestowed upon me by the thundering clouds,now beating in tandem with my heart!
Tuesday, July 12, 2005
"Split Wide Open!"
Don't look at me with open eyes
it's dark here and you can't see,
Don't reach out for me with your hands
the distance between like a fathomless sea.
Don't call out my name, i'm lost
in vaccum, your voice can't travel
Don't even try walking ahead
I'm in my closed shell....
Why do I feel emptiness inside?
What is it that i'm trying to hide?
there is something I'm running from
Why is my heart 'Split Open Wide'?
What is the cause of my grief
Do i really want to stay alone?
If I don't need anyone then,
why in my slumber do i moan?
The storm came and blew me away
and how many storms since that day,
my eyes flooded,I shake with tremors
I don't even know how to pray.
I ran and ran and ran and ran
and ran until my legs felt weak,
until i reached my break-even point
the time when I felt like a freak.
I looked, I touched, I called out
everywhere-as blank as space,
I got up determined not to give up
and I designed my own place.
My own world, my private kingdom
I'm the queen, all my slaves,
a refuge for a tormented heart
my fantasy ain't naive.
....I'm moving on in a cheerful manner
don't bother about my left or right,
I'm fine, in my world i do wonders
but still I feel a void inside!
it's dark here and you can't see,
Don't reach out for me with your hands
the distance between like a fathomless sea.
Don't call out my name, i'm lost
in vaccum, your voice can't travel
Don't even try walking ahead
I'm in my closed shell....
Why do I feel emptiness inside?
What is it that i'm trying to hide?
there is something I'm running from
Why is my heart 'Split Open Wide'?
What is the cause of my grief
Do i really want to stay alone?
If I don't need anyone then,
why in my slumber do i moan?
The storm came and blew me away
and how many storms since that day,
my eyes flooded,I shake with tremors
I don't even know how to pray.
I ran and ran and ran and ran
and ran until my legs felt weak,
until i reached my break-even point
the time when I felt like a freak.
I looked, I touched, I called out
everywhere-as blank as space,
I got up determined not to give up
and I designed my own place.
My own world, my private kingdom
I'm the queen, all my slaves,
a refuge for a tormented heart
my fantasy ain't naive.
....I'm moving on in a cheerful manner
don't bother about my left or right,
I'm fine, in my world i do wonders
but still I feel a void inside!
Love -> Search and Believe
a quest for your soulmate
Love is an encounter
that changes your fate.
Love is a bud
that is ready to blossom
Love is luck
'hard-luck' for some.
But if your love is a search
then it cannot end,
so you go on loving
more than you intend.
Love is like magic
simple and pure,
contentment and joy
life is yours.
It's better to have loved and lost
A feeling that is the best,
Reciprocate love that u get
since it is the best bet.
When your love isn't reciprocated
Don't stop loving,
Love is in sacrifice
Love is in believing.
If your feelings are true
you don't need to regret,
Because one day in life
True love you will get!
Man! A True Phoenix
He is climbing up a ladder
On his way to success,
crossing out every hurdle
Cleaning up every mess.
On each step of the ladder
He meets a new task,
meets new disguised challenges
Climbs up, uncovering each mask.
Up and up, he climbs up
Up, on his way to the peak,
Looking back, he is proud of himself
He has never faced defeat.
Oops, he slips from the ladder
The step was a way too high,
But man! he is a phoenix
He'll just try and try.
In his life he is often victorious
several times encounters downfall,
But man! he'll never give up
He is as firm as a concrete wall.
Man! He is a phoenix
A phoenix in a sense so true,
For he rises every time he falls
from his ashes to start anew!
On his way to success,
crossing out every hurdle
Cleaning up every mess.
On each step of the ladder
He meets a new task,
meets new disguised challenges
Climbs up, uncovering each mask.
Up and up, he climbs up
Up, on his way to the peak,
Looking back, he is proud of himself
He has never faced defeat.
Oops, he slips from the ladder
The step was a way too high,
But man! he is a phoenix
He'll just try and try.
In his life he is often victorious
several times encounters downfall,
But man! he'll never give up
He is as firm as a concrete wall.
Man! He is a phoenix
A phoenix in a sense so true,
For he rises every time he falls
from his ashes to start anew!
Writer's Block
A dilemma, an apathy
with the restriction of the clock,
A creative mind is always bugged
By the imposed writer's block.
Given a topic you don't like
or you don't know anything about,
Write an article on "Egyptian Travels"
or a poem on some particular crowd.
Then i give you a tip
Write on any philosophy you want,
mention the topic three times out
Here you are, the masterpiece is yours!
with the restriction of the clock,
A creative mind is always bugged
By the imposed writer's block.
Given a topic you don't like
or you don't know anything about,
Write an article on "Egyptian Travels"
or a poem on some particular crowd.
Then i give you a tip
Write on any philosophy you want,
mention the topic three times out
Here you are, the masterpiece is yours!
Glimpses of a Fading Light...
The torch that forever burns
It's mystic glow all-encompassing,
Eyes that light-up; of a soul on fire
Eyes that fade out; of a desire so frightening.
The supreme almighty at the climax:
Blamed because of a dedication unmatched
Accused of an honest heart,
Condemned because of a lifetime of loyalty
Censured:- the excellence of his art.
Don't bother, don't look back
at the glimpses of a fading light,
A spark can light up a fire
A fire has potential to fight.
His life's purpose stands submitted
who said that it is defeated!!
the spark is there, a dangerous remain
of a passion so firmly seated!!
It's mystic glow all-encompassing,
Eyes that light-up; of a soul on fire
Eyes that fade out; of a desire so frightening.
The supreme almighty at the climax:
Blamed because of a dedication unmatched
Accused of an honest heart,
Condemned because of a lifetime of loyalty
Censured:- the excellence of his art.
Don't bother, don't look back
at the glimpses of a fading light,
A spark can light up a fire
A fire has potential to fight.
His life's purpose stands submitted
who said that it is defeated!!
the spark is there, a dangerous remain
of a passion so firmly seated!!
Hold my hand,carry me through!!
A whisper in my heart
a silent prayer,
A passive longing
wishing someone was here.
There is fire around, i'm burning
my skin scalding
There is smoke around, i'm coughing
my eyes watering.
There is no escape from here
until someone comes for my rescue,
waiting for my saviour to arrive...
to hold my hand and carry me through!
a silent prayer,
A passive longing
wishing someone was here.
There is fire around, i'm burning
my skin scalding
There is smoke around, i'm coughing
my eyes watering.
There is no escape from here
until someone comes for my rescue,
waiting for my saviour to arrive...
to hold my hand and carry me through!
The One
Often people touch my body
seldom someone touches my heart,
hardly has anyone ever touched my soul
don't move your hand from where no one has wandered before.
My unspoken thoughts and feelings
My life's desires and dreams,
My scary nightmares and starlit realities
My dinghy secrets and staunch beliefs
stand in front of you; bowed and submitted.
Illusion,mirage,my shadow
make yourself a possibility,
I'll wait till the day creation stoops
to realize the extent of my necessity!
seldom someone touches my heart,
hardly has anyone ever touched my soul
don't move your hand from where no one has wandered before.
My unspoken thoughts and feelings
My life's desires and dreams,
My scary nightmares and starlit realities
My dinghy secrets and staunch beliefs
stand in front of you; bowed and submitted.
Illusion,mirage,my shadow
make yourself a possibility,
I'll wait till the day creation stoops
to realize the extent of my necessity!
No More Odds to Conquer !
I set out in search of myself
for it was lost to me,
I searched in all my farfetched dreams
and saw through all mortal beings.
I counted the leaves of my life again
and saw the best there was in me,
I knew no star was out of reach
as far as I could see.
Success has no address, they say
Every dog has his day,
I'm no dog, but a mortal
I will touch zenith my own way.
And then they will applaud my success
Even the blind,
For there will be no more odds to conquer
Not even the mind!
for it was lost to me,
I searched in all my farfetched dreams
and saw through all mortal beings.
I counted the leaves of my life again
and saw the best there was in me,
I knew no star was out of reach
as far as I could see.
Success has no address, they say
Every dog has his day,
I'm no dog, but a mortal
I will touch zenith my own way.
And then they will applaud my success
Even the blind,
For there will be no more odds to conquer
Not even the mind!
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