thoughts revisited

Randomness.

2008-06-20T02:14:00.001+05:30

Jumping on trampoline
Receding into welcoming abyss
Clutching the sleeve for reassurance
Screaming into the face of nightmarish wind

Posing for perfection
Moping for shared preferences
Lazing for stretching time
Grinning the same grin

Culminating into randomness!

Back from Hiatus

2008-05-06T11:48:00.000+05:30

Hi Everyone

I am back and I am writing again...the break extended into almost a never-ending one but I am here and I will write... But before that I want to straighten up this blog! In case anyone out there is still reading this... THANKS for your faith!!

Shraddha

Taking a break

2006-04-13T02:20:00.000+05:30

Hi Everyone,

I'm taking a break from blogging or rather I am not updating my blog till June-2006. Encouraged by your comments, I am positive that I want to continue blogging so after I am free of my commitments I will be back with my thoughts and feelings.

Thanks for dropping by,
Shraddha.

door-mat

2005-10-29T22:21:00.000+05:30

i'm a door-mat....
...........................
i'm there to welcome you
with open arms
and you step on me with familiar ease.
...........................
people walk over me
............................
wipe off their muddy feet on me
............................
when they are done,

they leave.

And that is my destiny!

leave...

2005-10-24T15:41:00.000+05:30

leave your mark behind
leave your smell,
for who knows about the next time;
or if we'll ever meet again.

leave me a memento
that i can look at all day,
teach me a love song
some heart-wrenching stuff that only you can say.

leave me a ring
that binds me with you,
or carry me along
and take my whole life too.

leave me your tears
and smile for me when u're gone,
because i can shower with your tears
the smile could light your days alone.

leave me some young thoughts and tender moments
leave me a broken heart,
hug me and leave your essence behind
so that we never really part...

the awakening

2005-09-04T23:46:00.000+05:30

There was a solid mass
a solid mass, a lump of clay,
She could speak, she could move
but she only started feeling today.

The parched earth she lay on
dried her desires, killed her wants,
The stone was nothing but a stone
A fact she was happy to flaunt.

But today she received the much desired rain
With new-found wings she began her flight,
Like a new-born babe she opened her eyes
and marvelled at whatever was in sight.

The touch, the feel, the soft caress
The look, the moment, the warm embrace,
Her trembling lips marked her awakening
and sparkled a welcome glow on her face!

"That's Just Me"

2005-08-27T22:45:00.000+05:30

A passing glance
through a gallery of faces,
Two feet running
a number of parallel races,
One single breath of air
a momentary look,
all activity came to a halt
A chance was all it took!

I'd set out in search of myself
and I'd given up in vain,
until the destined moment brought
that much desired rain.

A blurred memory came alive-
when perched on a bike parked aside,
attention demanded; awareness sought
and your existence came to light.

Dressed up in virginal whites
Venus and Adonis side by side,
Venus enslaved, Adonis charmed
in dynamic emotion for her, he cried.

A little attitude, pomp and show
An integral trust, an instant glow
A sense of completion never felt before
A forever bond through all highs and lows.

A bond beyond paranormal reality
A liberating faith which sets us free,
A belief so strong, when I look at you
my insides shout, "That's just me"!!

The way you want me to be!

2005-08-22T23:01:00.000+05:30

I thought about it last evening
But couldn't really make up my mind,
Determination, dedication I definitely possess
But may be I'm a different kind.

I seem to be loyal and faithful
forever true and very nice,
But don't just go by looks only
instead take your heart's advice.

What is it that you want?
It is upto you to decide,
Your confusion you have to rub off
From truth you cannot hide.

If you want a winner
I can be one,
If you want a dreamer
that I can become.

If you want a perfectionist
try yourself too,
If you want an optimist
time can carry me through.

Or better I give you an opportunity
to paint a blank canvas the way you want to,
colour me with all your favourite shades
I think that's the best, you could do.

That is when I can fit in place
and be the desired one too,
Not only will I gain respect
But be; just the way you want me to!

(this is just an interpretation of "surrender" in love! please do not interpret it as though the person's personality is open to changes.it is only the way of loving that needs to be defined because all of us need different things from different relationships)

BLACK BLOOD!

2005-08-13T00:05:00.000+05:30

I can't travel with you
You are not from my world,
You are a different kind
The difference is in our colour of blood.

You have red and I have black
the colour of our blood,
I stay alone on earth
From which planet have you been hurled?

I'm the only one left here
In the land of darkness and mist,
No! Wait; everyone's just here
in their grave, a perfect fit.

"What happened?" "Do you know
what does a nuclear bomb do,
to a family: happy and gay
to a humanity; to me and you?"

They blasted all around me
Taking away all i possessed,
I haven't heard from any soul
All is black, and black and cold.

No, don't come near me!
All these days I just wept,
Filled with remorse and disease
death is waiting at my doorsteps.

The beautiful garden I played in
The local library too,
All but one soul is left
on earth to welcome you!

the moon rose to kiss the sun,which presented it with a diamond ring...

2005-08-04T20:33:00.000+05:30

The moment i reached for his hand, I knew it was deliverance I was experiencing. All the torments of my tortured soul and the anguish I had gathered in me over the ages, seemed to vanish in thin air. It was such an ordinary brush of my fingers against his palm, yet there was an emphasized longing for more. His fingers slipped between the gaps of mine and the grip with which he received my offering told me that this is where I shall always belong! My search through mirages was over, I had finally found my "self". I felt like a bird because my heart had taken the flight into fancy, that was meant to be its destiny. I was finally free...

My travel through eternity has been reduced to a single moment
I've spent my life-time lying awake in wait for you,
thinking of you all the while
as if every breath I take is stamped with your presence.

Adieu!

2005-08-04T15:19:00.000+05:30

Life is an alternation of meetings and partings. When those whom we love, bid us goodbye; a bit of ourselves is going away. Greater the love, more intense the pain. Closer the union, more severe the sense of loss.

When vicissitudes of life separate us from those who have walked with us for a long stretch of the journey, those who stood by us through thick and thin, those who held our hands when we risked stumbling, those who just stood in the by-lanes of our lives looking at us as if we were worth being adored -:- indeed it makes our heart ache.

Let not distance smother the love that has laced together our lives. The love is your gift- That love is YOU!

WAGAH…CONTEXTUALISED!!!...Borders and Notion of Identity

2005-08-03T15:05:00.000+05:30

If you are reading this then it is very obvious that you are acquainted with the English language. Considering the readership of this blog ,you are,in all probability,an English speaking citizen of a particular country,for instance India. Again this article can also be read by an English speaking “resident” of Bangladesh,or for that matter,that of the USA. Then the only superficial difference between the readers would be on the basis of their nationality. With that idea well placed,I proceed to the main point.

Looking at the exchange of POWs across the Wagah,I was suddenly caught up in a wave of questions that sensationalized the whole process. What is this Wagah border? A ceremonial gateway between two nations,the identities of these two nations being at cross-roads between the gates!!

I wondered what these POWs would be feeling at that particular moment,getting transported from one country to another,which resembled like Siamese twins even after more than five decades of their separation.they may have felt uprooted and dislocated but was it India that they longed for,or was it their family,their village or their friends back home??

India and Pakistan are two countries that have shared history so much so that the birth of one was out of the womb of another. Looking at the TV screen I was caught up in the flux of identity that was part of my existence in the subcontinent,yet was not thoroughly deciphered.

There was a benevolent,yet sublime,feeling of mutual camadeire that I was sharing with the news reporter,alongwith a sense of suspicion about the treatment of “our” soldiers at the Pakistani prison. To add to my confusion, I could hear the radio belting out “Durr”,which is one of my favourite songs;incidentally composed by a Pakistani group called Strings.

I realized that a country is not made of people or cultures. Those are transcendental. But it is made of borders-invisible fences that we build,to shut ourselves off from “others”. Borders are a political necessity but as a culture and people,it is flimsy.

A world without borders is not possible. Theoretically,there are no lines drawn between nations,no barren strips of land called the “no man’s land”, no trenches or soldiers with guns. The landscape across this flimsy reality is constant. But borders allow us to have a neat view of things. It is easy to classify, easy to govern within a system of order. Borders are needed to define our identity, a sense of belonging to a herd!!

Identity is mercurial in the realm of politics,but on a personal level it remains constant. We are extending a friendly hand towards our,till now,hostile counterpart but that is the same country we want to squash in a less threatening space of a cricket field,where again our passions are governed by a barbed wire drawn out on a piece of land.

Martyrs : Never Die !

2005-08-03T14:37:00.000+05:30

He walks up the hill
with his head held high,
armour on his back
determination in his eyes.

He wants to avenge
the death of his comrades,
He wants to go back to
where his kin waits.

He carries his armour
and is on the look-out,
for those unseen enemies
to drive them out.

Out of his motherland
Out of his country,
Out of the border
where they are meant to be.

They aim at him
He is not afraid,
For him, he knows,
the whole nation prays.

He is protecting his mother
His back to his enemy; he will never show
He will die or survive
This; he doesn't care to know.

Then at the destined hour he goes back
To lie; under the shade of his beloved tree,
As a martyr of his motherland
As a victor of his country.

And he will be remembered
forever he will be :
A martyr of his motherland
A victor of his country!

(dedicated to India on the occassion of Independence Day : 15 august,1947)

translation of "mora saiyan" by fuzon

2005-07-31T01:09:00.000+05:30

"sawan beeto jaaye beharwa": monsoon (season of love in Indian culture) is passing by my lover
"mann mera ghabraye": my heart fears/worries
"aiso gaye pardes piya tum": u went away just so my lover..
"chain humein nahin aaye": that i can find no relief
"mora saiyan mose bole na": my lover doesn't talk to me!
"main laakh jatan kar haari": i tried about a million things and gave up
"tu jo nahin to aise piya hum": since u're not here so my lover i'm...
"jaise suna angana": just like an empty house (marital abode)
"nain tehari rah nihare": eyes are on the lookout for u
"nainan ko tarsao na": don't tease my eyes(don't tease my longing)
"pyaar tumhein kitna karte hain": i love u soooo much
"tum ye samajh nahin paaye": but u never understood that
"jab hum na honge to beharwa": when i'm not around o my lover (not around=dead)
"bolo kya tab aaoge": tell me will u come back then? (what is the point of coming back then?)
"mora saiyan..": my lover..

(this song is a lover's complain.suggestions for improving this translation are welcome)

Exploring Gravity....

2005-07-28T23:41:00.000+05:30

As i was walking that barren path
in the wilderness, with you by my side,
I confronted a raging storm
it created between us, a gap so wide.

You tempted a fire and teased its flames
Melted an iceberg and shifted its base,
Drained and disturbed : my soul's being;
with a calm and composed look on your face.

I gained my strength from the spark in your eyes
with you next to me, I began to rise
there was love and joy, that time of my life,
Thanks to you, I knew it would suffice!!

last night i killed myself....

2005-07-27T23:06:00.000+05:30

and wept with tears of blood...
the passive longing of my nights turned into a death-wish
and drowned all my dreams in it.

i used to indulge in sleep-walking
today i've no feet to support me
i used to look up at the sun and mock its lonliness
today i do not exist!

there was a fire
which casted me in this mould
there was a shadow
which gave faith to my soul

but last night i killed myself...
and wept with tears of blood
because my "i" lost its essence
because there is no "i" anymore.

rebirth

2005-07-24T18:00:00.001+05:30

i wish to be born as a swan in my next life (if there is such a thing)...i thought about it for a long-time and that made me contemplate on my present life of all 21 years.i realised the longings of my soul are aimed in a fixed direction which is echoed by R.Kelly's song "i believe i can fly", but soon enough i realised the impotency of my wish.i'm fixed in such a socio-cultural context that the desire to do anything,for that matter even the word "desire", should not be part of my vocabulary specially because i'm a female.
it feels great talking about the emancipation of women and how far we have come from the dark ages!but the truth is that i myself know that if i want to (for eg:) step out at 10 p.m. all alone, then there is no guarentee,not even 2%, that i will return as the same person that i'd left.
so considering that the patriarchs (who exist in various forms:father,brother,friend,neighbour...even the gate-keeper) give up on me for a while...i still don't think that the world will readily accept my flight.
the other reason why i chose a swan is because i'm fed up of the insecure relationships people have these days.a pair of swans is the ideal (though many of u may find that boring) because of the life-long fidelity it indulges in...perfect bliss!
so basically,though the swan might become a victim of a shotgun,yet till the time it does not release its last breath it has the freedom to be where it wants to go and can trust its partner even after its own death.
(faith and freedom combined)

Not Her Crime!!

2005-07-21T16:46:00.000+05:30

Look at her; there; under the tree
She is sitting all alone,
In her life of five years
What has been there to mourn?

I heard that she has been abandoned
Kicked out of her village,
Why? she can't even talk properly
What is her crime at this tender age?

Who is to be blamed for this?
Just tell me who?
The little one is going to perish
just in a day or two.

She ain't at fault
Its her creator,
He is the one who gave her life
from the womb of an unfaithful wife.

The biggest demon on earth
for her, patiently waits
She is gripped by what we call
is a sure death - AIDS.

The crime is in her birth
Her birth is a crime,
In her lost innocent childhood
she is suffering through, all the time!

Dig The Grave....

2005-07-21T16:29:00.000+05:30

The wind is not blowing strong
Oh, my companion! I'm not wrong
And while I'm humming this melancholy song
On this cold night, dig the grave.

All my joys began to cease
And my pain didn't ease,
Standing amidst the cool breeze
On this lonely night, dig the grave.

What has this world given me?
Whatever my eyes couldn't see?
Near this wide and vast sea
On this dark night, dig the grave.

Hurt and humiliated and depressed
My self-expression was suppressed,
From jealousy and greed there is no rest
On this dull night, dig the grave.

What is the use of staying alive?
Like a bee without a hive,
For whom should I live and stay?
On this night, dig the grave!

Three Days to Live....

2005-07-15T10:05:00.000+05:30

I'm suffering from pain
Losing my senses,
Standing in the courtyard
I can't see the fences.

To achieve my goals
Is a distant dream,
I must live life to its fullest
I just have three more days, it seems.

I want to fulfil all my wishes
and see all my dreams come true,
I want to run in the green meadow
and like a free bird fly, in the sky so blue.

But just three more days to live
seventy-two hours will soon pass by,
I must paint this world, a little more green
I'll plant some trees, at least I'm going to try!

Freedom!

2005-07-13T10:37:00.000+05:30

I was standing in my balcony overlooking a small park.It was calm,but not peaceful.There were a few apartments around me and fewer trees.Standing amidst that lively crowd I felt like a stranger encroaching an unfamiliar territory.It was exciting,yet depressing.Exciting because it was raining and the feeling between me and my surroundings was mutual.Depressing because though I am a human,I did not have the same freedom as the trees or the rain drops or even the apartments around me.My heart was raging with as powerful a storm as outside.A bolt of lightening and a flash of knowledge!Yes,it was knowledge which separated all of us:the trees,the rain,the apartments and me.
I looked up at the faling sky and a rain drop fell on my parched tongue...I tasted freedom for the first time and I longed for more.The longer I stood there,the more my need grew.The need to melt away with the rain drops,oblivious of my future,unconcerned about my past and living my present moment as if that was all that life was made of.
I stood there till the time I sneezed back into reality,accepting the honour of knowledge bestowed upon me by the thundering clouds,now beating in tandem with my heart!

"Split Wide Open!"

2005-07-12T16:38:00.000+05:30

Don't look at me with open eyes
it's dark here and you can't see,
Don't reach out for me with your hands
the distance between like a fathomless sea.

Don't call out my name, i'm lost
in vaccum, your voice can't travel
Don't even try walking ahead
I'm in my closed shell....

Why do I feel emptiness inside?
What is it that i'm trying to hide?
there is something I'm running from
Why is my heart 'Split Open Wide'?

What is the cause of my grief
Do i really want to stay alone?
If I don't need anyone then,
why in my slumber do i moan?

The storm came and blew me away
and how many storms since that day,
my eyes flooded,I shake with tremors
I don't even know how to pray.

I ran and ran and ran and ran
and ran until my legs felt weak,
until i reached my break-even point
the time when I felt like a freak.

I looked, I touched, I called out
everywhere-as blank as space,
I got up determined not to give up
and I designed my own place.

My own world, my private kingdom
I'm the queen, all my slaves,
a refuge for a tormented heart
my fantasy ain't naive.

....I'm moving on in a cheerful manner
don't bother about my left or right,
I'm fine, in my world i do wonders
but still I feel a void inside!

Love -> Search and Believe

2005-07-12T16:19:00.000+05:30

'Love' is a search
a quest for your soulmate
Love is an encounter
that changes your fate.

Love is a bud
that is ready to blossom
Love is luck
'hard-luck' for some.

But if your love is a search
then it cannot end,
so you go on loving
more than you intend.

Love is like magic
simple and pure,
contentment and joy
life is yours.

It's better to have loved and lost
A feeling that is the best,
Reciprocate love that u get
since it is the best bet.

When your love isn't reciprocated
Don't stop loving,
Love is in sacrifice
Love is in believing.

If your feelings are true
you don't need to regret,
Because one day in life
True love you will get!

Man! A True Phoenix

2005-07-12T15:48:00.000+05:30

He is climbing up a ladder
On his way to success,
crossing out every hurdle
Cleaning up every mess.

On each step of the ladder
He meets a new task,
meets new disguised challenges
Climbs up, uncovering each mask.

Up and up, he climbs up
Up, on his way to the peak,
Looking back, he is proud of himself
He has never faced defeat.

Oops, he slips from the ladder
The step was a way too high,
But man! he is a phoenix
He'll just try and try.

In his life he is often victorious
several times encounters downfall,
But man! he'll never give up
He is as firm as a concrete wall.

Man! He is a phoenix
A phoenix in a sense so true,
For he rises every time he falls
from his ashes to start anew!

Writer's Block

2005-07-12T15:33:00.000+05:30

A dilemma, an apathy
with the restriction of the clock,
A creative mind is always bugged
By the imposed writer's block.

Given a topic you don't like
or you don't know anything about,
Write an article on "Egyptian Travels"
or a poem on some particular crowd.

Then i give you a tip
Write on any philosophy you want,
mention the topic three times out
Here you are, the masterpiece is yours!

Glimpses of a Fading Light...

2005-07-12T15:07:00.000+05:30

The torch that forever burns
It's mystic glow all-encompassing,
Eyes that light-up; of a soul on fire
Eyes that fade out; of a desire so frightening.

The supreme almighty at the climax:
Blamed because of a dedication unmatched
Accused of an honest heart,
Condemned because of a lifetime of loyalty
Censured:- the excellence of his art.

Don't bother, don't look back
at the glimpses of a fading light,
A spark can light up a fire
A fire has potential to fight.

His life's purpose stands submitted
who said that it is defeated!!
the spark is there, a dangerous remain
of a passion so firmly seated!!

Hold my hand,carry me through!!

2005-07-12T15:00:00.000+05:30

A whisper in my heart
a silent prayer,
A passive longing
wishing someone was here.

There is fire around, i'm burning
my skin scalding
There is smoke around, i'm coughing
my eyes watering.

There is no escape from here
until someone comes for my rescue,
waiting for my saviour to arrive...
to hold my hand and carry me through!

The One

2005-07-12T13:30:00.000+05:30

Often people touch my body
seldom someone touches my heart,
hardly has anyone ever touched my soul
don't move your hand from where no one has wandered before.

My unspoken thoughts and feelings
My life's desires and dreams,
My scary nightmares and starlit realities
My dinghy secrets and staunch beliefs
stand in front of you; bowed and submitted.

Illusion,mirage,my shadow
make yourself a possibility,
I'll wait till the day creation stoops
to realize the extent of my necessity!

No More Odds to Conquer !

2005-07-12T13:23:00.000+05:30

I set out in search of myself
for it was lost to me,
I searched in all my farfetched dreams
and saw through all mortal beings.

I counted the leaves of my life again
and saw the best there was in me,
I knew no star was out of reach
as far as I could see.

Success has no address, they say
Every dog has his day,
I'm no dog, but a mortal
I will touch zenith my own way.

And then they will applaud my success
Even the blind,
For there will be no more odds to conquer
Not even the mind!